At the beginning of this trick,
A single card I had you pick.
Now wouldn’t it be cool, wouldn’t it be great?
If I could now eliminate
The other cards that aren’t yours?
After doing that, we’re left with fours.
Only three cards left go,
So I’ll reveal that I now know,
The card in question has a tip
So clubs is out and we’ll also slip
Out spades because the card is red.
Now, (beat) let it be said,
I’m no Shakespeare, no great bard
But a magician. Sir, is that your card?
-Shaman Romney 2016
Maybe I have been to hard on Soylent. Sure, it tastes awful, but is it objectively that bad?
I had a friend comment on Facebook, asking me if it really hated it that much. She’s been using it since October (not like for every meal like I have been) and doesn’t think its as bad as I make it out to bye.
Her suggestion was flavoring it, which for the purposes of this challenge I can’t do (although I may use the matcha powder idea later), her question helped me realize something.
Most of my hate for Soylent is in my head.
Sure, the texture can be a bit grainy, and it leaves an interesting aftertaste. But the way I talk about it, you’d think I’m eating battery acid. But it’s just oat flour and rice protein.
What really tastes bad is my poor diet habits dying. The desire to go out for lunch every day, or to eat a large fry at McDonald’s. The urge to fill my boredom and sadness up with nacho cheese instead of dealing with them properly. The security of having food in front of me to curb the anxiety of being around people.
They call this phenomenon an extinction burst. Although it sound like a move a video-game boss would use (Ronald McDonald uses EXTINCTION BURST! It’s super effective!), it is when your mind, in an attempt to keep things the same and stable, will throw on last tantrum before finally cleaning it’s room. Extinction Bursts are why many diets fail, why people stay smokers, why gamblers stay gambling, and why you probably can’t stop biting your fingernails. It is why I am expecting to break at some point and eat real food. I’m not trying to avoid it, I am anticipating it so I can keep it from completely derailing me.
I’m pretty sure this will be the week I break. But at least I’ve made it two weeks, part of me thought I wouldn’t make it two hours. I’m proud off making it half way. I just hope I break eating something good, not some crappy cheeseburger from McDonald’s.
Aside from the mental battle, I feel great! I still only eat 750-1000 calories, but I think my body is used to it now.
I had my daughter this weekend. I am surprised she didn’t ask me what I was eating at all, even when we went out to eat. Not that I’m complaining; I was sure she would pressure me with adorableness into eating food. But the opposite happened, and she got my mind off of eating anything.
Not the most eventful week food-wise, but that’s a good thing. Here’s to the remaining two being just as uneventful.
-Shaman
The scientist in me
Is fascinating.
What thought does he see
In his contemplating?What makes him work?
What makes him think?
Why is he a jerk,
Leaving tools in the sink?There is a lot
I’d like to ask my guest.
The first that I’ve got
Is a simple request.Mr. Scientist, might I suggest
You sit back in your chair?
Please pull your arm out of my chest;
It’s quite ticklish in there.
– Shaman Romney 2016
I lost 10 lbs. In 7 days.
That is both awesome and frightening to write.
It’s not because Soylent is some sort of miracle diet food. It’s because I hate the stuff so much I don’t eat it.
I have been taking in about 1000 calories of Soylent a day. My maintenance caloric intake is 3000, plus whatever exercise I do. Which gives me a calorie deficit of 2000 a day, or roughly about a pound every 2 days. The extra 4 pounds is probably water weight and a lack of crap in my system.
Surprisingly, I feel great! Much better than I normally do, in fact. That says a lot about the diet I normally eat. Apparently getting 50% of the daily recommend nutrients you need is more effective for your health than eating a ton of crap. Who knew?
Physically things are going well, but mentally it stinks.
Everything smells good; we went past the tire section in the Walmart and the smell of rubber made me hungry. Rubber. As in, chomping on a truck tire was something my brain thought would be more pleasant than drinking more Soylent.
I’m learning I have much more discipline than I once thought. For example, on my first day my friend wanted to go to Carl’s Jr. Here is what she ordered:
Which do you want, the left or right?
She had the Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger and a large fry. I had Soylent. I must have looked like a dog staring at people food, but I didn’t cheat or crack. Even though I really, really wanted to.
The next night was pizza night for my family. Again, only Soylent for me. They got to have delicious home baked pizza, with its delicious bubbly cheese and nice crispy crust; the taste of pepperoni intermingling with glorious red sauce in a orgasmic interplay of amazing flavor that OH MY GOD I WANT TO EAT PIZZA SO MUCH RIGHT NO-
Ahem, needless to say its been a struggle. But I haven’t broken yet and I don’t plan on it.
This also taught me a lot about why I want to eat. I find myself walking into the kitchen for no reason at all, but normally I’d find myself grabbing a snack. I’m having trouble finding reasons to hang out with people now, because food was my excuse to get together. I’ll have to try and get some actual hobbies now. Or become a reclusive hermit.
I’m also a comfort eater. I fill the crippling existential void in my soul with French fries and ice cream. Now I have to stare straight into the abyss. But at least it forces me to deal with it directly, which means it actually gets fixed. Or slowly wearing me down and destroying me. But optimism!
Overall, even though I’m a bit miserable and close to stealing happy meals from kids, I’m glad I’m doing this. The scientist in me finds this fascinating, and I am learning a lot about how I tick.
I’m hoping that enthusiasm will carry me through next week. Wish me luck!
– Shaman
Early morning rainy day
Washes the night away
Making the world how it was before.But it won’t wash these memories
Thoughts of love, of you and me
It only cleans the tears up off the floor.
-Shaman Romney 2016
So, I did something kinda dumb.
Back in October, I decided to buy a box of Soylent. Soylent is a meal replacement drink, designed to give all of the nutrients you need to survive. It was designed by some silicon valley CEO that was too busy creating the future to be worried with base needs like eating and happiness. You ever wish that you could fill your self up like a car (hopefully not literally)? Not me, but I am a sucker for weird things like this.
I tried it out for a while. It works, but it tastes like pancake batter. Just straight pancake batter. As in, mix up a water bowl of it next morning and chug a bit and you have the taste of Soylent. Flavoring it makes it better, you can have pineapple pancake mix, or orange creamsicle pancake mix.
Overall, its a cool concept. If you are an eat to live type of person, it takes a lot of the effort of cooking out, and it is more healthy that fast food. If you are not that type of humanoid creature and you enjoy food, then this stuff is a nightmare. It is boring, bland, and uninspired. I could like on it if I needed, but I wouldn’t want to.
All that being said, I ended up accidentally ordering 4 more boxes. I signed up to an automatic subscription and forgot to cancel it for 2 months. Stupid 15% off.
Those 4 boxes have been sitting in my house for a couple of months now. Unopened. Untouched. Unloved. They might have even stayed that way.
But while listening to Penn Jillette’s podcast, he mentioned something interesting. He recently lost a ridiculous amount of weight ridiculously fast. I’m not planning on doing his super vegan, magic power diet (I don’t hate myself that much. Yet.), but he mentioned that for the first two week of the diet he could only eat potatoes. Unappealing, but enough to live.
He stated that his diet guru did this because he wanted to change Penn’s taste palate. By being forced to eat only potatoes, you will eat pretty much anything else by the end. On top of that, it helps you become aware of boredom eating, social eating, etc., which I found very interesting.
Now, I think nothing but potatoes can be a little risky. They aren’t very nutrient diverse. Although I doubt a month would be enough to kill you, you’d probably feel pretty crappy at the end. I will save that venture for my trip to mars.
But I do have something as bland as potatoes, but much healthier. I have that unloved and neglected pile of Soylent. So, in a moment of extreme masochism, I decided that I will spend 4 weeks eating nothing but Soylent.
Yay…
I have set some rules for myself.
– No more than one bag a day, with no flavors or additions. Blandness is the point of choosing Soylent, and the one or less back a day should ensure I have enough for the challenge.
– No calories from any other sources. That includes juices, soda, really dirty air, etc. My life is now Soylent.
Pretty simple, right?
Now, I am going to be posting about my progress each week on Friday. I was going to do daily, but you can only bitch about self imposed challenges in so many ways. A week gives me times to get something of substance.
So… ready, set, go!
– Shaman
As a child
I lived in a world of my own.
Full of joy and imagined fantasy.
Weaving deep stories
In my own mental landscape
A hero’s journeys,
A world of possibility.Now as a man
I live in a world of my own.
But the fantasies and joys have twisted.
Weaving dark stories
In my warped mind
A victim’s journey at an end,
Without the possibility
Of a happy ending.
– Shaman Romney 2016
Drifting away through time and space,
It gets harder and harder to picture your face.
The fond memories grow more unclear;
I wish every day that you could just be here.I miss you so much it hurts to think.
The feelings are weights, causing me to sink.
Desperately, I grasp for you.
But the image is fuzzy, and my fingers fall through.I really should call you. At least send a text.
But I have no idea of what to do next.
I don’t want to drag you in this pit with me.
In my pool of pathetic misery.So I’ll struggle alone and hope that I’ll win;
Try to un-stick this fly trap I find my self in.
When I stop being a loser, when I am someone great,
I’m hoping by then, it wont be too late.
-Shaman Romney 2016
Anger is intoxicating, a pleasant addiction
An easy way distract from affliction.
Letting your heart boil over with rage,
Is any easy way to escape your cage.It gives you a goal, a way to move forward
An enemy, a source of enmity to move toward.
It gives you a focus when life is unfair,
Although it feels good you must bewareLike all bad vices, the pleasure is fleeting,
And further pursuit will prove self defeating.
Anger is a short term solution to a long time problem,
Emergence of bad ideas, acting upon them.Of all emotions there isn’t one stronger.
But love is more productive, and it lasts much longer.
It takes more work, its difficult,
When your life is full of pain and tumult.But persevere and keep love in your heart.
Bit by bit, you notice it start
To bring you into a better place.
It is a much better addiction to chase.
– Shaman Romney 2015
I have no faith in faith,
No belief in unfounded belief.
Such things can make us feel safe,
Provide us a sense of relief.But it doesn’t make them right
To anyone but you.
Even if it helps you sleep at night,
It doesn’t mean it’s true.I try to find comfort
In the chaos of uncertainty.
Instead of trying to comport
With a lie; a false reality.We can’t know all there is to know,
There’s beauty in vast knowledge uncapped.
I get to enjoy a part of the show.
Missing the end doesn’t make me feel trapped.So keep your gods and your proselytizing
For they offer me no recompense.
I’ll keep my hypotheses and theorizing
And base my beliefs on evidence.
-Shaman Romney 2015
Shame on The Universe 