Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Tag
I haven’t seen my daughter in over 6 weeks. It’s not for any malicious reason on my ex’s part. Not that I know of, at least. It’s just bad timing and busy lives.
I always told myself I would always make time for my daughter. I would threaten to quit jobs before I would miss my weekends with her. I still feel that way. At least I feel I do. But feelings and thoughts don’t count for much. In the end, I still don’t see my daughter. If I had to say it to her face, would I still make the same excuses? Would she care?
Or does it just matter that daddy isn’t there again?
I don’t even know why I’m writing this right now. I’m not depressed, just sad. I guess its because this is something more concrete than a journal I throw in a box and never look at again. By writing this, maybe I’ll try harder from now on. But who knows?
– Shaman
I’m done with the world
I’m done with battle lines
I’m done with black and white
I’m done with death and destruction
I’m done with wrongs unpunished
I’m done with good gone wrong
I’m done with good intention roads
I’m done with well intentioned fools
I want to be done caring
But I can’t help it
– Shaman Romney 2017
I’m boring
I’m dull
I’m an anxious coward
An asshole, not a man
I’m a bundle of insecurities and fears
Wrapped up in day dreams and fantasies
Masquerading as a functioning adult
Who pretends he gives a damn if he wakes up tomorrow or not.
I’m holding on, barely anchored to the shore
But still I’m finding ways to sever what few lines keep me moored
Using knives fashioned from doubt to hack away
One at a time
Until I’m finally released from it all.
I’ve squandered the one thing I can’t get back
Spending all my time hiding in a room
Playing video games and jerking off
That’s not life, that’s just existing
Taking up space in this world until my ticket comes up
And someone else gets my spot.
I’m not a human being
I’m just a future has been
A forgotten memory
I’m not alive
I’m just a dead man walking
-Shaman Romney 2016
Pitter patter
My thoughts scatter
Like rain drops in my mind
A constant torrent that won’t relent
At best my mind is like Seattle
At worst its a monsoon
It’s like I live in a steel roofed house
Eventually all the metallic static
Becomes synonymous with silence
Most of my ideas get lost in the flood waters
I’m only left with the biggest, the best, the worst
Imagine what I could do
If I wasn’t mostly water.
If I was filled with sunny days
And springtime weather.
-Shaman Romney 2016
It’s quiet here in the clutter of my room
But BOOM there is thunder in my mind’s confines
And POP something drops from the top of the shelf
I pick it up, I write it down so it’ll make a sound
Like CRASH as I smash it into a line
Now that looks fine; something that I can call mine
And DING hear it ring the timer says time to finish up
But no, my mind doesn’t think it’s enough
So POW hear it now as I’m messing it up
I keep meddling, back peddling. It’s not enough
I SCREAM as I dream of the perfect line
Hiding in the back of my mind and so I mine
My delusions of grandeur, I’m looking for gold
No matter how hard I swing, CRACK, I bring up coal
I’m tired of always digging, but I have to keep at it
Otherwise my mind will devolve into static
-Shaman Romney 2016
Let’s cut through the platitudes
The sweet talk, the attitudes
All the false talk and lies that don’t matter to you
Don’t ignore the darker skies
Look in front of your eyes
I think it’s time you realize
No one is ever going to change, unless they want to
And the more that you try, the more he’ll walk upon you
With all the things you’ve already been through
You don’t deserve it
I think its time he heard it
I think it’s time for you to take a stand
You’re not a stepping stone
You should be walking hand in hand
I know its hard
I see the love in your heart
But you got to start
To stop his abuse
I know you want to try, its no use
I know that you want to refuse
The truth
But I don’t think he will ever get better
– Shaman Romney 2016
Early morning rainy day
Washes the night away
Making the world how it was before.
But it won’t wash these memories
Thoughts of love, of you and me
It only cleans the tears up off the floor.
-Shaman Romney 2016
