So, I was going to write a blog post yesterday. It was going to be a good length, deep look at how I feel about religion. I’m trying to not to make this blog a religion/ atheism blog, but it is what is on my mind, so it will probably be posted at some point.
I had the whole day off yesterday, and sat down to write it in the morning. Since you are not reading a post about religion right now, what do you think I did instead?
I ended up modding my Nerf guns, and even giving one a cool (albeit poorly) done paint job.
I know its a children’s toy, but come on, that looks bad-ass.
I think it looks like something out of Mass Effect, and it shoots farther and harder now.
It took me all day, in between watching episodes of Archer.
So why couldn’t I feel the urge to write? Aren’t I supposed to like writing? Like blogging?
Shouldn’t I be trying to make my deadlines?
The answer is yes, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. This blog was started as a way to help me be a happier, healthier person. As a way to put my thoughts out in the world.
It was not designed to be a way for me to hate myself for missing deadlines.
So, with that in mind, my post I was going to do yesterday will come out Saturday, and the rest of this post will just update you all on my life.
So here we go:
Firstly, the biggest news is that I am currently trying to get into shape. I’m not doing any fancy diet or exercise plan, I am just cutting down on the enormous amount of calories that I have been eating to stay the weight I am. When I started I was 325 pounds at 6’2″ height.
In just the two and a half weeks I have been at this, I have lost 9 pounds!
I’m feeling pretty good about it, and although the first week was a bit of a challenge, and it will only get harder, I’m at least going to get back down to my high school weight of 275. My true goal is to be 225, so wish me luck!
Secondly, I actually posted some of my music on here. I know the qualty isn’t great, and my singing is average at best, but it is nice to finally get it posted. I will be posting more of my music in the future, so keep an eye out for that. I will also go back and touch up what I have done in the future as I get better equipment, musicians, etc.
I’ve also have been looking for a new job. Writing cover letters, resumes, and searching has been part of why my posts have been more erratic. I’m hoping to find something that not only pays better, but that I also feel happier doing. Apparently there are people in the world who feel that way about their work, and I’d like to be one of them. In this economy I’m not too hopeful though.
Also in between everything else I have been working on my story. I’m kind of stuck on the actual, y’know, writing part of it. But I have a much more developed sense of my characters, and a basic way for things to go. Hopefully I’ll be set to at least write it for NaNoWriMo in november.
Finally, I was nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by Olvia In La La Land. I’m very honored, and it may be a bit, but I will get to the ‘official’ acceptance part of it in the near future. But I wanted to take the time to thank everyone for reading, and I hope you continue to do so in the future.
-Shaman
Prompt, prompt, prompt I summon thee!
Today, write about any topic you feel like — but you must reuse your opening line (at least) two more times in the course of your post.
I want to change the world.
I have not clue how. I don’t even know where to begin. Large, small, for better or worse; I have no clue.
But still that rings through my head: I want to change the world.
I didn’t really realize it until my last blog post. I went with taking the chip, for what I thought were very good reasons. Add to human knowledge, revolutionize psychology as we know it. Help people. Sure, it wouldn’t be a very fun life for me. Being isolated from my friends. My family. My daughter. Not completely gone from their lives, but it wouldn’t be the same. It would be lonely. But at some level, it would be worth it if I could leave my mark.
A lot of people didn’t think so. They may have had respect for my reasons, saw them as nice; as noble. The typical response was that the sacrifice would be too hard, the downsides too great. Some people even thought it was wrong that the losses I would want to do it.
I can’t say they are wrong. Is the willingness to toss my self aside for the “greater good” really good? Do I even know what good is? Am I even able to perform the good that I keep proposing to do?
I want to change the world. But I don’t know if I can?
But then I start to take a different angle. Have I been looking at things wrong? I am so focused on changing the world at large. At leaving a grand mark. There is no way I have done that, right?
Wrong. I already have changed the world. Just by living my life. Just by being human.
If I didn’t exist, millions of things would be different. My daughter would be gone, some of my friends would be much worse off, and some may be better. But the world would be an entirely changed for my absence.
Even by writing this now, I am changing things. I can’t know right now how things will change. If it will be big or small. Good or bad. But it will be a different outcome than if I did nothing.
I want to change the world. I guess I’ll get started.
-Shaman
Myself and I
Here I am, beside my self,
And I decide to see.
If I can have a conversation,
between I and me.
It shouldn’t be too difficult,
I’m such a clever guy
It should be a great discourse
Between me and I.
I turn and look me in the eye,
Open my mouth to speak.
But then I find I’m saying
The exact same thing as me.
I try to get a word in
But I speak before I can.
I cannot say a thing;
Cannot interrupt this man.
I finally stop to listen
only now I see
That I’ve also gotten quiet,
To listen up for me.
And so I do this back and forth
Until I’ve had enough.
We both start to wish,
that I would just give up.
And so I have decided
silence is my best course.
I’ve learned that speaking to myself
is something i shouldn’t force.
Shaman Romney 2014
First off, I tend to WAY over think things. So naturally when a prompt about time travel comes up, my mind goes off with all the things that wouldn’t work: the grandfather paradox, the conservation of history, the what-if-I-squish-the-butterfly-that-somehow-emancipates-the-slaves-and-creates-sweet-n’-low problem, etc. I think because of my tendency to over think, I can’t really do a blog post on a historical event and time. Well I could, but it would probably be way to long for anyone to bother reading, although I’m sure someone would find my ramblings about killing Hitler’s dog and investing in Google would be entertaining.
But as I thought about what I wanted to say, my thoughts turned personal. Instead of trying to do a funny rant about paradoxes, or a deep rant about why it wouldn’t work, I decided to write a letter. I wanted to write a letter to my past self, as if I had the ability to pop back and give it to myself. It ended up being very cathartic. I’ll share it below. I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I did writing it:
Dear Shaman,
I know you don’t know where this letter came from. Just found it in your pocket while you are walking home. Well, I put it there. I know this is going to sound strange, but I am you, from the future.
No you aren’t about to die. No, you don’t need to save the world.
No, you absolutely SHOULD NOT TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW!!!
I got you, didn’t I?
If you had anything important I had to tell you, I wouldn’t be able to. Those are the rules. No I will not tell you the rules. But if you think about the paradoxes I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Just don’t over-think it too much, you’ll figure it out when you are my age. 🙂
I can’t really tell you anything important. Not big advice, or life lessons, or things to look out for. By the time this gets to you, I’ll have had to revise it so it can be sent. Not I won’t tell you that either. I will say the only reason I’m allowed is because I’m assure this will not turn you, and therefore me, into a gibbering psych patient.
So I can’t say much. But I can give you an idea of what your near future is going to hold. If you want to stop and not know anything, this would be the time to stop. I won’t judge you. It’s probably the smart thing to do.
….
Come on, who am I kidding?
I know you’re going to read it. No way you wouldn’t. You (I? We?) are way too curious for your (our) own good sometimes.
A couple more things before I go on. Obviously I’m avoiding names, dates or any discernible information. Pretty much anything worthwhile, actually. Even so, I would like you to read without skipping, all the way to the end. If you haven’t already skipped to the end before reading this, that is.
First off, enjoy the years you will have in high school. Yes, I know that it seems fun to feel angst-y and deep right now. But you never really grow out of it, so you should cut down on it while you still have all of these friends around. You’ll have more fun if you just lighten up, and not worry about girls and all that other crap. Don’t get me wrong, deep brooding will always be one of our hobbies. But there’s a time and place, and the girls you’re agonizing over aren’t worth it.
Instead, try to spend more time will the friends you love. It’s not that you’re going to lose them or anything tragic, but you never will capture the magic you have right now with them. People just drift apart sometimes. You’ll still love them. But you’ll also long for them all the time. I wish that I could just recapture one more conversation, one more day, one more moment you’ve yet to experience. So enjoy them while you have them. They will make wonderful memories. But don’t worry, I’ll keep making sure we have plenty of good memories to come.
You will have bad things happen to you too. That’s just the way life goes. Some will be big, some on the small side, but all of them are important. You will be more depressed then you ever thought possible. They will make you angry, and make you sick. You will feel like giving up, calling life quits and leaving it all behind. Hell, I’ve gotten closer to doing so than I’d ever care to admit. You will be more miserable, and you will suffer. (See, told you that you’ll still be angst-y.)
But don’t let all that worry you. I’m sending you this now, so obviously you make it through all of the problems you face.Weird as it sounds, you’ll look back at those times, all the pain, the frustration, the hopelessness, just as fondly as all of your happy memories. Every tear shed and wall punched will have made you a stronger person. They’ve made me a better person than I ever thought I could be. Granted, I’m still learning, and I’ve probably got some more prime suffering years ahead of me. I’ll send us both (you? my selves?) a letter when I finally get past that and get to the just plain fun parts of life.
Now, I can’t give you too much advice, for obvious reasons. But if there is one thing I want you to remember; just one thing I want you to take from this surreal experience, is this: love your life. Love every single success, every single screw up, every bad day and every good moment. Love every single breath, every single tear, every single breath, every single moment you’re alive. Love every aspect of your existence. You get one chance, and it is far too short to spend worrying about everything you’ve done. Just enjoy it all while you can. In the end, you’ll life it right if you do that.
Sincerely you,
Shaman Romney
P.S:I promised I’d stop lying to myself. Never thought it’d be literally, but here we are. I lied to you earlier in the letter. I could have told you anything I wanted to. Who your friends will be, who will hurt you, what you end up doing to those around you. But I’m not going to. I like the way my life has gone so far, and I know you will too. You maybe mad now, but you’ll understand when you finally get here.
Shame on The Universe 