Archive for the ‘Personal Thoughts’ Category
I am horrible with avoiding spoilers.
I am horribly horrendously horrifically horrible at avoiding spoilers.
I just lack the discipline required to keep things a secret from myself when I have the resources to find them out. I will regularly spoil every single plot point of a TV series before I’m even done with the first season. Maybe it’s because I want to be able to join the dialogue about an episode sooner than it would take for me to marathon the whole thing. Maybe I just like to find out the destination, to know if the journey is worth my time. (I’m looking at you Mass Effect 3.)
All I know is it is a problem, a serious problem.
It almost got me this time. The newest book in the Dresden files, Skin Game, came out today. My copy won’t arrive until tonight at the earliest. I’ve been dreading the wait. Holding back the temptation to go online and look up the big events of the book. I tried really, really hard to practice good self-discipline.
I am happy to say, I have valiantly succeeded.
Sadly, I almost made it.
I caved almost immediately…
I logged on to the forums and went to the spoilers page, and found the first “OMG I can’t believe that happened” topic there. I clicked on it and right before he got to all the juicy spoilers, he mentioned that he had been waiting for his copy and it wasn’t going to arrive until Friday. He however, had broken down and bought the e-book as soon as it became available.
So I did that instead.
Take that spoiler issues, I can destroy you with instant gratification and disposable income.
Because, who really needs self-discipline anyway?
-Shaman
P.S: Sorry for missing a week’s worth of posts. I got sick and couldn’t post. I should be resuming normal posting.
I love information. I love to just soak it all up like a giant sponge.
Most of the time it doesn’t even matter what it is. Sure, I have my more favored subjects, like psychology and personality typology, philosophy, religious debates, and a few others. But I will also spend larger amounts of time on less than useful subjects, like plot analysis of book series I haven’t read, video games I haven’t played, weapons I’ll never use and fields I’ll never go into.
Do I need to know how to make napalm, or C4? How about what a manic pixie dream girl, or what fridge horror is?
Not really, but it is fun to know. I don’t know why it is fun to know. I’ve just always found stuff like that fascinating. I have lots of theories as to why I’m this way. It could be a sign that I have ADHD. It could be that it is a trait of extraverted intuition (Ne) which is the auxiliary trait of an INTP. It could be that I’m a real life example of the seeker archetype. It could be I’m just bored with way too much time on my hands.
All I really know for sure is that it makes getting any one things done impossible. If I just sit down and try to focus on just one task, I get bored and distracted. Then, when my deadline hits, I either submit a half-finished product or a completely finished, but extremely rushed product.
Sometimes it can be a bonus towards work, if I am interested in the subject. Those times I burn through the project the first day and then either continue to refine it, or get bored and move to something else. That is nice, except people start to expect you to work that quickly all the time, and I normally cannot keep that pace.
In the end, its just the way I am. I don’t think its a probelm, as long as it doesn’t disrupt my life.
Just to drive the point home, I currently have 15 tabs open in my second browser window at work. 2 for snopes, 4 for rational wiki, 2 for personality cafe, 1 for IMDB, 2 for Deseret news, 1 for personality junkie, and 2 for WordPress. That would be a typical day for me.
Ok, maybe I do have a problem…
Shaman
I was recently reading a web fiction blog/novel called Mehpi. If you are a fan of HP Lovecraft, horror, Slenderman/ The Fear Mythos, Doctor Who, or just a good story in general, it is worth checking out. The author is currently editing it, and then they will take it down when they get a publishing deal. So there’s a time limit too. Check it out and come back here when you are done.
There was a part of the story that sparked a thought in my head, and so I wrote about it below. Spoiler free of course.
In the story, the main character is asked about parallel universes. For those who don’t know, the idea behind parallel universes is that for every decision a human makes, there are two or more possibilities. Lets use a fork in the road as an example. There is a left path and a right path, or two possibilities. At that moment, two universes are created. One where you decided to go left, and one where you went right instead.
According to the theory, that happens for every single decision made for every single person, in every part of the world, through all parts of time. Effectively there would be infinite universes, some only varying slightly from our universe here. Others completely different in every way. As any sci-fi nerd knows, it creates some fun thoughts.
So the main character is asked about them, and she starts to use a coin flip as an example. (One universe for heads, and one for tails.) She is interrupted, and the thing she is talking to tells her this (paraphrasing of course):
A coin flip is not an example of a breaking point in universes. A single coin flip is irrelevant. It is predetermined by the force applied to it, the spin imparted on it, the strength of the person flipping it, the wind in the room, etc. Nothing the coin has or does changes anything, and neither does the person. People are much more irrelevant to time than they’d like to pretend.
That got me thinking about free will again. As in, do we really have any? Removing the idea of a higher power, a soul ,or anything else like that, could things just be predetermined?
Our thoughts are electrical impulses. When those impulses fire, they stimulate different parts of our brains, and make us think and feel certain ways. We make decisions based on those thoughts and feelings, which affect others, and cause their electrical impulses to fire in specific ways. This chain goes on throughout human experience, until the end of time.
With that in mind, everything I did I was supposed to do, because my brain was shaped in the right way to make my impulses travel in the exact way they needed to in order to make me react that way. Hitler would have always been Hitler. Lincoln would have always been president, and was destined to always die by John Wilkes Booth. Our descendent’s lives are predetermined before they are even conceived.
The really creepy thing is that parallel universe theory still works, but in a much darker way. Electrons still follow the uncertainty principle, and as the character in the story points out, an electron could take a different path, and then the sun would never come to existence. In a more personal sense, the electrons causing my impulses could spark along a different path, causing me to act in a different way. Same amount of universes, but without any control on my part, or any real way to stop it. We are all predestined to choose the left path, yell at that person, steal that gum, etc. But at the same time, we are just one electron away from not existing, or becoming an axe murder.
Really makes you think, doesn’t it?
-Shaman
Daily Prompt Time!
We all have complicated histories. When was the last time your past experiences informed a major decision you’ve made?
We are all affected by our past experiences. Whether we realize it or not, that is a core part of our human nature.
Some are more inclined to look to the past than others. Some get trapped, forever reliving it. Some turn away, never wanting to remember.
Our past shapes us. It turns us into who we are in the present, changes how we view our lives and causes us to act differently in the future. Two people can look at a life event, and because of their past they will draw completely different interpretations of it.
For example, someone who had a traumatic experience involving heights when they were a child isn’t going to want to ride on a roller coaster as an adult. But someone who remembers fun times at the amusement park with their family, going on rides with their dad, teasing their little brothers, etc. is going to love going on them again and again, and will most likely pass that love on to their kids. The former person will probably avoid amusement parks all together.
However, nothing is set in stone.
We have the ability to think about and analyze our past experiences. At times it may be hard to be that introspective, or to relive past traumas. But analyzing or past in an objective, healthy, and mindful matter allows us to see each experience as what it really is: a lesson.
Lessons aren’t inherently good or bad. They are just a way you learn more about yourself. Thinking about the past in that way allows you to shape your future into what you want it to be. Even the most horrific, awful things in your life will be learning experiences, and that makes them easier to move on from. The good things reinforce the positives you have, and make the learning feel even more worthwhile.
So, to answer the original question, when was the last time my past informed a major decision?
It was when I was deciding to start this blog. I looked back at my past, and saw all of the times I had failed. All of the times I had started a project, only to leave it half-finished. All the times I had a good idea, and left it behind to gather dust. I looked at all these negatives, and decided to build a positive.
Now, I do have positive experiences. My daughter, my friends, my family are all wonderful things in my life. But they all were passive things I didn’t have to try for. I wanted to make an experience that I could look back on with pride. I wanted to give myself a new lesson. Not the usual “failure sucks, but you’ll learn” lesson. I wanted a better lesson. One that says, “Look at what you can accomplish, and how good it feels to succeed.”
Hopefully, that is what this blog will become.
Plus, writing is easier for me than weight loss and rollercoasters. 🙂
-Shaman
(My posts have been a little lackluster lately, but I have been writing, just not things that would be good for blog posts. I still want to keep my posting goal, but I don’t want to beat myself up too bad about it. The whole point is to keep writing, and as long as I”m doing that, I think its a positive. I’ll get back into the groove of blogging and poetry soon, so bear with me until then.)
I’ve always felt I wasn’t good at writing fiction.
I don’t feel like I’m very good at coming up with ideas. Many of my friends who are writers can pull ideas seemingly out of no where, with little to no effort at all. It takes me hours of working and retooling to get to where I’ve got a workable idea.
However, I did get a positive response to my 50 word story for the weekly challenge. So I think I will give writing it a shot. I only have a basic shell of a character right now, but I have a lot of world and universe info for it.
The basic idea would be this: A word-mage would use the magic contained in creativity to fight the forces of evil or… something. As I said, it isn’t a very detailed idea. I’m thinking it’ll be modern-day fantasy, maybe urban, but I am trying not to copy certain books in that genre.
I will probably be posting updates and parts on this blog as I work on it, but mostly I will be doing it in the background.
Thanks for reading,
Shaman
I was going to try to make a post today, but all of them were kind of lack luster. But since I am distracted by things that I like right now, I’m just going to write a little about them:
– I’m really into personality typing. The one I find I like the best is the MBTI, focusing more on function stacks. I find they help me understand others, and helps me improve my self.
– I love the Dresden Files, and I can wait for the next one that is coming out at the end of the month. I’m not a poster at the forums, but I am a long time lurker.
– I’m currently (re)playing Dark Souls for the 7th time, although I have not even beaten it once. I get like halfway through, and decide to make a new character. hopefully I will break that pattern with this play through.
– I have a 3-year-old daughter who I get to have over this weekend. She is adorable and the love of my life. I need to clean our room so she doesn’t think her daddy is a slob. 🙂
– I love learning useless information. Stuff like Tv Tropes and Cracked are like… well, crack to me. Its been killing my productivity.
I can’t really think of anything more, and I’m usually pretty bad at describing myself. So I hope everyone has a good day, and I will start the new week with actual posts.
-Shaman
I finally found a daily prompt I wanted to do! That hasn’t really happened in a while…
What’s your most prized possession? GO!
I’m not really too possessive of my possessions.
It’s not that I don’t love my material goods. I definitely like having a fast computer to write on, a phone to text with, and a bed to sleep in.
But I don’t think about the specific brand, style, look, etc. of those things when I consider them.
Well, that’s not the complete truth. I do consider the pros and cons of an item when I am buying them. But I don’t attach to them on an emotional level at all. Even with a different processor, speed, and interface, my old HTC phone did all the same things that my new Samsung does. One phone is interchangeable with another to me., just like most other things.
I find I value memories more than any material thing. That is how I’ve always been. I’m the type of guy who tells my family and friends that they don’t need to buy me gifts around the holidays. I tell them that I am happy just to have their company. They say I’m full of crap, but I do sincerely feel that way.
I have a hard time even remembering the gifts that I receive, but I remember the times I spend with my loved ones fondly and clearly. I also remember the joy on their face when they open up the gifts I gave them, even though I can’t remember any of the actual gifts.
So, in the end, possessions fade, but the memories last for ever. That being said, I do have a prized possession.
She is an electric hollow-bodied guitar named Blondie. (Due both to her color and the fact that my dad loves the band.) He gave me Blondie for my 18th birthday, and I made a promise never to sell or give her away, except back to him. She is a beautiful sounding, beautiful feeling, beautiful looking guitar, and I love plugging her in and playing. (I can’t do it as often as I’d like due to noise.)
I have plenty of fond memories to go along with her too. Memories of learning Tears in Heaven and Time In a Bottle on her. Memories of writing new songs or just playing around on her. Memories of jamming with my friends and having fun with her. I have all of these wonderful memories tied to that guitar. That is why she’s my favorite possession.
Plus, I also have a thing for blondes. 🙂
-Shaman
I find I make my best work when I’m absolutely miserable.
It seems that the best way for me to break down the walls made of my writer’s blocks is with the good ol’ sledge hammer of sadness. While that can be a great boost for my creativity, it’s hard to be happy about it.
Since, by definition, I can’t be happy.
I posted earlier this week about how I’ve been suffering from writer’s block. As I look back, I realize I was suffering from it because I was happy with my life. Not completely content, not even close to it. But enough to be momentarily happy, which is a healthy step in the right direction when it comes to my mental health.
But, although very positive for my sanity, it killed my productivity and creativity. I would stare at my screen and nothing would come to mind. I’d start thinking about all the other things I could be doing, like playing games, watching Netflix, etc. It would go like that for days, and I was starting to get frustrated with it. But I was content with everything else in my life, so it wasn’t getting me too down.
But, after I posted the aforementioned lack-luster post, I started to feel bad. Sure, I hit the first half of my posting goal for the week, but in a very shoddy, half-assed way. Next, I started to feel bad about my life, my future, my work, etc. Then, bad about me in general, with all of the fun, positive, life affirming stuff one thinks about while depressed.
Then suddenly, out of nowhere, my mind lights up with ideas. I felt the overwhelming urge to write down all my thoughts. I started off with writing about my sadness itself, but once the flow is started, it all just comes out. All the things I couldn’t write before, I was able to write down clearer and better than before. Because of this onslaught of inspiration, I ended up writing 3 poems and making a heavy dent on all of the posts I couldn’t finish.
Now, as I take a step back and look at what I accomplished, I feel happy about my writing. Which leaves me feeling contented. Which will make it harder to write next time, which will make me more miserable, and…
It is quite a vicious cycle, isn’t it?
I’ve only really started noticing it after I started writing this blog, but it’s been an undercurrent of my creative process my whole life. I can’t write a song about how I love my daughter while I’m enjoying my weekend with her. I have to be missing her voice after weeks of distance. I can’t write a poem about happiness or love, but I can write about no longer feeling happy or losing love. My best work comes from my misery.
So, is misery my only muse? No, but it’s probably the most effective one I have right now. Love, happiness, creativity, etc. are nice, and I love inspiration from the sources.But I don’t think anything will ever be quite as powerful, or get me going quite like my own suffering.
Plus, I can’t be the only artist who creates like this, right? Many great artists had a similar muse. I may never be as talented as Kurt Cobain, Vincent Van Gough, Sylvia Plath, or Edgar Allen Poe, but being tortured artists worked for them, and many would argue that is what made them great.
Plus, they all turned out happy and famous, right?
-Shaman
I wanted to write something more meaningful today. An actual post that I felt like writing. But i just find myself staring at the computer screen, or getting distracted doing something else.
It’s been very frustrating.
I want to keep my posting goal. I tend to give up or crap out on things to easily, even when they are good for me. Work outs, school, and all that just seem to fall before my exciting habit of not doing them.
But I don’t want blogging to be one of those things. As I wrote in an earlier post it has been extremely positive for me. I actually have confidence, and even if its small, it gives me a reason to try to be more.
Now, I have a few posts I’ve been working on, but with my harsh case of writers block it may be a bit before I get them done. I’ll keep looking at the daily prompts, weekly challenge, hits, tips, tricks, etc. Something, hopefully pull me out of it.
But, no matter what,I’m going to keep on posting. 🙂
Anyone have any tips on beating writer’s block? I could sure use them right now.
Shaman
The daily prompt have been a little lackluster lately. Fashion and junk food are fine and all, but they don’t really inspire me. So instead, I’m going to write about something I read recently.
The idea of today’s post came from one of my favorite joke/prank/puzzle/misc mischief book Scam School Book 1: Smoke by Brian Brushwood. In that book, he included an email that he got when he was a young struggling magician from Teller, of Penn & Teller, that gave him some life changing advice. After finding Teller’s email address, he wrote to him expressing his frustration at trying to develop a unique persona for his magical act. Much to his surprise, he actually got a response from Teller the next day.
The letter Teller wrote was full of really good advice, but on piece in particular is what I wanted to focus on. He said: (Paraphrasing slightly)
“Love something besides magic, in the arts. Get inspired by a particular poet, film-maker, sculptor, composer. You will never be the first ‘Brian Brushwood’ of magic if you want to be Penn & Teller. But if you want to be, say, the Salvador Dali of magic, we’ll THERE’s an opening.”
I thought is was a very good bit of advice. It’s not bad to have other writers you look up to for inspiration. But if you don’t diversify your tastes, you’ll end up sounding just like them. For example, I am a fan of Jim Butcher, and the snarky attitude he uses while writing his books influences my no fiction writing quite a bit. But when I do try to write fiction, I find I sound like him, but less interesting. Right now though, I’m mostly focusing on building my own voice.
However, when I write poetry, I draw heavily off of Justin Furstenfeld, some Neil deGrasse Tyson, with hints of Shel Silverstein.
I haven’t really found out how most of my influences affect my style, since im still new to blogging, but I imagine my interest in Einstein and other physicists, comedians like George Carlin, and magicians like Brian Brushwood. But I imagine it’s there.
Plus, you never know when I figure out the theory of general blog-itivity. 🙂 (Obviously they didn’t influence my humor.)
-Shaman
What sort of people influence you guys? Let me know in the comments below.
Shame on The Universe 