Today I’m lacking inspiration.
I had plenty perspiration,
But couldn’t spark my imagination
And so I’m left with just frustration
I can’t seem to get inspired
I had work in which I was mired
Which I did in order to not get fired.
But it has left me feeling tired.
So as I write the final line
of wayward thoughts I thought to combine
Remember I’m keeping this promise of mine:
The day is not over, I got this is done, so I’m fine.
It looks like this poem has to go first,
It is kind of hurried as first ones go.
It could be the best, but might be the worst.
Until it’s published, we will never know.
I’ve been gone, for work has left me haggard.
My posting schedule has been left forgot.
But this month I will not be a laggard.
At least, at this moment, I hope I’m not.
Thirty days, with something done on each one.
That is a lot, even using haiku.
But I’m ok, I find poetry fun.
Even if I don’t, I’ll have to pull through.
So that being said, I’ll try not to bore.
One poem done, only twenty nine more.
Here it is, another valentine’s day
I have to ask, is this really the way
To show someone you really care?
With chocolates, roses, a teddy bear?
Or is this a day of corporate greed?
A moment for us to carelessly feed
The inside of an executive’s pocket.
Another check-mark on the businessman’s docket.
Is it just an excuse for someone to get laid?
Presenting a trinket that was overly paid
So that they can curry their lover’s favor,
And give this holiday its sultry flavor.
Or is it really about those that we love most?
A reminder that its a mistake to coast
Through relationships without giving it your best
That good love will always be a test.
I don’t think this question is easily answered.
The lines between meanings will always be blurred.
So with that in mind, I’d like to say
Everyone have a happy valentine’s day!
I shall be spending it alone,
For have no one to call my own.
I can’t say its not for lack of trying,
So I will spend it eating ice cream and crying.
I posted my first post on this blog a year ago today.
I have been blogging for a whole year. That amazes me.
Maybe it’s just because I’ve got the attention span of a hamster on speed, but I feel like it has been a lot longer than that. Then again, I also feel that way about my last year in general; so much of it has changed.
In the spirit of that change, here are 5 things I learned about myself from a year of blogging:
1.) I’m more of a poet than I am a writer.
I started writing this blog with the intent of changing/enriching the world. I wanted to write about mental health issues, personality typology, psychology self-help, etc. I felt if I was going to start writing, it would need to have a purpose, an end goal.
However, as noble and nice as those goals were, they don’t necessarily get readers, nor did they really get me writing. Doing the daily prompts did help me get a flow going, but it wasn’t until NaPoWriMo that I actually started to take this blog seriously.
It reminded me how much I love poetry. I find it makes it easier for me to express my thoughts and emotions in the moment. Even if, half the time, I end up with a bunch of depressing poems. It worked for Sylvia Plath, right?
But I also find it really fun. Trying to find the right rhyme to end your verse, without forcing things or ruining the flow, is incredibly challenging. But when you get it done right, it is incredibly rewarding.
2.) I talk too much, and I need to write more.
I have a friend who reads my blog. She’s been reading it from the start, and she makes sure to read everything I do. She says that she really enjoys what I write.
I have no idea why though. Not because I don’t think it is good; I wouldn’t make posts I don’t think are ready to be read. But because she is the one who gets to have all my pure, unaltered idea vomit thrown at her on a regular basis whenever we hang out.
Whether its philosophy, atheism, politics or any of the other things I’m interested in, she has heard me go hours and hours of diatribes that would probably make most people lose their minds.
Now, I imagine if I took all the time I spent melting her brain with my rants, and instead took the time to write them down. I’d have three times as many posts by now.
If you were to also add all the times I’ve had a personal rant in my head that I never bothered to voice to anyone….
Well, I don’t think I would have time to do anything but write.
Regardless, I should probably start writing more things down. Which means…
3.) I always should have a pen and paper. (Or start recording myself like a loon.)
I have forgotten the amount of times I have had an amazing idea, the start of a good poem, or a nice melody, and lost it forever because I couldn’t write it down in time.
Many creative people have as well, and it so it is mandatory that we all have a pen and paper on us at all times. I’m getting better with doing that, but it isn’t always feasible. So I’ve tried to expand to my note taking to other forms of technology.
I don’t really like typing notes into my phone, because it takes too long, and I have a crappy, unreliable phone. However, recording my self tends to work in a pinch, especially with how good voice to text has gotten.
With it, I can idea vomit onto a computer at record speed. It is probably the best way for me to get my ideas down.
So why don’t I do it more often?
Because I get most of my ideas on the train, bus, or walking around. People tend to be sitting/standing/walking by me, and so I look crazy. Plus, sometimes I like to write about more controversial topics, and I’d rather not have to fight the bible-thumping MRA republican Nazi Sith lord that may happen to sit next to me some day.
So, until I either lose enough shame to be fine with looking even crazier in public, I will just stick with the writer’s classic.
4.) I do my best writing on the spot, but I should still revise.
I tend to write best when I just throw my ideas down. Whenever I have been able to sit down and get into a groove, I write the stuff that I am most proud of. The things that I have found to be the weakest were things that I planned out, made outlines for and then wrote over days.
It’s a little counter intuitive, but working out what I want to write just stifles my natural creativity.
I know that doesn’t work for a lot of people. They need to create outlines, rough drafts, revisions galore, etc. before they have something they feel is good enough for people to see.
I tend to write how I speak, and I think I’m well spoken. So my writing reflects that.
That being said, you can always clean things up. You can polish up the writing to make it shine, cut out excess bits, change things around to flow better, and just make it a better piece in general. You are able to do the type of things that you aren’t be able to do in conversation. (Although it would be really awesome if we could.)
It’s something I don’t do nearly enough. So I just need to carve out time every week where I can sit down and write. Not too hard, right? Well…
5.) I need to do more to motivate myself.
Last, and most importantly, I need to motivate myself more. I can’t do any of the things I listed above if I can’t get myself motivated enough to actually do them.
Back when I started this blog, I had motivation. I was trying to find a purpose, a direction in life. I wanted to give myself a reason to get up in morning that wasn’t just paying bills. Other blogs and armchair psychologists told me blogging would do that, one thing led to another, and now the plague that is my blog was released on the internet.
But now I have a new, much better and more mentally stimulating job. My self-esteem is at healthy, levels, and am feeling more positive about life.
Because things are going so well, and with how busy work has been lately, I have been letting this blog fall to the wayside. It’s become easy to push a post off until tomorrow, then until next week, and off until next month.
Do I need to write? No.
But it is something that I enjoy. It is something concrete I can point to when I want to feel like I’ve accomplished something. I allows me to leave something behind when I go, even if it’s just in my own corner of the internet.
All those things should motivate me, and they do. But like I have stated before, misery is probably my best motivator, and will continue until it eventually kills me.
So hopefully this next coming year of blogging will be eventful, inspiring, and just miserable enough to keep things going.
February 1st, 2015 animator and creator Monty Oum passed away.
Most known for his work on the animated series RWBY and on Red VS Blue, Monty went in for a routine medical procedure, and had an allergic reaction. He fell into a coma and sadly didn’t recover.
I know I’m a little late to the news, but I only found out about it Wednesday morning. I loaded up the RT podcast at work, and saw that the title of it was “RT Remembers Monty Oum.” It was like getting hit in the chest by a 2×4.
I remember when he was hired on as Rooster Teeth’s animator. I remember seeing his Dead Fantasy and Haloid videos, and thinking they were awesome.
It’s hard to watch his videos right now.
It’s like walking into an old hangout, and finding out one of the regular employees is gone. You may not have interacted with him that much, but the place still feels kind of empty without him.
It’s a shame for such talent to get cut short so soon. Seeing his work now, I’m amazed how much he grown as an artist. RWBY looks visually stunning, and the fights are spectacular…
It’s a shame that we won’t get to see how much farther he would have grown.
I’m not completely sure why Monty’s passing is hitting me so hard. When Robin Williams died, I was a little sad. I got a little nostalgic/sad seeing him in movies. But with Monty, I find myself fighting back tears, even now.
Maybe it has to do with his age. He was only 33 years old. In those years, he accomplished more than I will probably accomplish in twice that time. That’s probably why I didn’t care as much about Robin Williams. Although he was still a great actor, he had already lived his life; had his career. Monty was only just getting started.
Or maybe, after hearing the RT crew reminisce about him, I felt we had a lot in common.
The described him as quiet; kind of introverted. He seemed to keep to himself. But he was also the kind of person you could lose hours talking to, if you got him on a subject he was into.
He loved learning, and seem to know a bit about everything.
He was a hardcore multitasker. They were talking about how he would be working on whatever project he had going, while also watching something else on another monitor.
How, when he got an idea, he would lose himself in it, working hard to make it a reality.
He was obsessed with efficiency. It seemed insane, although it made sense to me. One thing they brought up was how, when he needed to microwave something for a minute, he would punch in ‘5-5’, instead of ‘1-0-0’ because the first one was only two buttons, and thus more efficient.
All those little nuances reminded me of things that I do, although maybe not to that big of a degree. But I definitely relate to him at some level.
Above all else though, I think the reason I find this so sad, is that I never bothered to look into his work while he was still alive. I felt like he would be around for a while; I didn’t feel I had to start watching again until he got to the “really good” stuff. Then I could get around to commenting on his work, sharing it, “liking” it.
I know he had millions of fans. He had people thanking him, admiring him every day. He would probably never see what I would have had to say. But, the sad reality is, now he never will.
Even though I didn’t know him, if I could go back I totally would have let him know how amazing I thought he was. Even if I would have been another face in the crowd; an email in his box.
He had a saying: Keep Moving Forward.
He was always moving. He didn’t really believe in slowing down, or giving up. With that attitude at heart, he created some wonderful things.
His friends at RT said that, in lieu of flowers, we should honor his memory by creating something. The only real creative outlets I have are poetry, music, and writing.
The poem would have probably not have been very good, and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have been into my style of music. So, at the very least, I’m writing this. I also will try to make more time in my life to be more creative.
Because life is far too short to waste, and if I left a fraction of the mark Monty did, it would be worth it.
My heart goes out to his wife, his family, and all of his friends. Rest in peace Monty Oum.
You were a bright star, and the world is darker without you in it.
Shame on The Universe 