Archive for the ‘Life’ Tag
Once more into the prompt.
Our free-write is back by popular demand: today, write about anything — but you must write for exactly ten minutes, no more, no less.
(I only edited this for formatting/ clarity. The core writing was all in 10 minutes.)
I got a new job!
The offer came out of nowhere (I had applied by putting my name and resume in one of those cheesy looking ads on the side of a website), and I got the job within a couple of days. The pay is much better than the one I’m at now, good benefits, 8 to 5, Monday through Friday, etc. It is in a tech field doing something I’ve never even heard of, with what seems like an awesome bunch of people.
It almost feels too good to be true. It feels like I’m going to get there and it is going to turn out to be some nasty sweatshop where they beat me with a riding crop for hours on end and laugh at my continual suffering.
Or even worse, it could be a call center.
But, I’m trying to stay optimistic, and I am definitely excited.
It feels weird to leave this job. I’ve been working here for over two years; it feels like I’m leaving a huge chunk of myself behind. In the time working here I’ve become a whole different person. I no longer hate myself; I wake up in the morning and I am glad to see the person staring back at me. I finally am (mostly) in control of my demons.
So I guess this would be the inevitable next step. Once some things in life improve, everything else seems to cascade and fall into place. I couldn’t (and definitely didn’t want to) be stuck in a dead end job forever.
So what does my new job mean for this blog?
I still want to keep it going. This has been a big turning point for me. Making blogging a goal helped keep me focused, and helped keep me from giving up. But I have no idea how much I’ll be able to do with this new job. I’m pretty sure it’ll actually give me more of an ability to write now, but I won’t be able to do so at work anymore.
So, as a heads up, for the next few months content on here may be a little sparse. I’m still going to try to post at least twice a week, and I don’t think that will be hard for me to do.
But it will probably be poems, or small, quickly voiced thoughts. The longer winded diatribes will have to wait.
Thanks for reading. 🙂
-Shaman.
Until recently, I wasn’t a very happy person.
Hell, half the time I’m still not. I’m not really anywhere I want to be in life. I’m at a job I hate, living with my mom, with no romantic prospects and no real dreams. At least any dreams I can accomplish anytime soon. Things could be a lot worse, and they are getting better. But I definitely have a long way to go.
However, even with all that, I know I would be much worse off if I didn’t have my friends. I probably wouldn’t even be here now to type this if it wasn’t for them. My friends keep me going, comfort me when I fall, and make sure I have a good time while doing both.
I know this challenge is about sidekicks, but I don’t really like to think of them that way. If anything I’m the sidekick in their stories, although I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want to call me a sidekick either.
So, being sufficiently nerdy (and because I’ve got Pathfinder on the brain), I’m going to call them my adventuring party. Omitting names of course, there are 3 other members party, and they will know who they are. (If you aren’t on the list, it’s not because I don’t like you. Maybe if you guest star in enough adventures you can join the main party too. But all my friends are awesome. Yes, even you. You can put your hand down now.)
Life’s like this, except less dragons, and more Cheetos.
We’ll go in chronological order:
First, there is the one I’ve known the longest. We met in 3rd grade, if I’m remembering correctly. It’s been a long time, that’s for sure.
He’s always been such an easy going, laid back guy. He doesn’t seem like he has to try that hard, cause he’ll either come out on top, or he’ll just roll with it. But either way, he’ll make sure to put a smile on your face. He’s the type of friend that I could not see for ten years, but come back into town and hang out with like it was just yesterday.
He just always seems to be able to lighten a mood, strike up a party, and generally just makes me feel good when he’s around.
If we are going with the classic adventuring party, he would be the rogue.
Quick witted, sure to get you into trouble but can get you out just as quickly. Although not as stalwart as the fighter or as powerful as the wizard, he’s just as invaluable as both of them. Plus, rogues are totally my favorite class.
Next is my friend I met in high school. He is the reason I am the man I am today.
In 9th through 11th grade, I was a weirdo. Well, I still am, but back then I was even more so. Wearing vests no matter what the weather, playing Yugi-oh cards, angst-ing out to Linkin Park and Metallica, etc. Not really doing anything important or thinking about anything worthwhile.
All that changed when we became friends. I don’t know why he decided to invite me on that camping trip, but we really hit it off. He is the reason I even care about philosophy, psychology, religion. Pretty much everything I write or care about know was influenced by him.
Plus, he introduced me to the world of fine cigars and bourbon. It doesn’t get better than that. It was totally worth skipping calculus to hang out.
He would be our parties’ wizard. Wise beyond his years and full of arcane knowledge, with just enough insanity behind it all to make things entertaining. Also the one with all the fun tricks and toys.
Last, but most definitely not least, is a more recent addition the party. She and I have known each other for years, but it was only through suffering the hell that was my last relationship that our friendship got stronger.
She was my ex’s roommate, and let’s just say, nothing brings you closer like adversity brought on by someone who never pays their rent. She’s just awesome. She helps me see my daughter, gives me rides everywhere, and is always willing to give me a hand. She is one of the strongest and most loving people I have ever met.
She will also listen to me rant for hours. Just imagine being forced to listen to me rant day after day. Not this nice, edited, coherent stuff. Just pure, uncut brain vomit. Sure it might be fun at first, but eventually you’d probably want to kill me just to shut me up. But she’ll not only sit and listen, but she helps me build new ideas, and tackle things from new angles. Although she may not know it, she is one of the driving forces behind this blog. If I couldn’t rant to her, I would never gather my thoughts enough to write these posts.
She is supportive beyond belief, and without her, I don’t think I would have made it through my emotional problems. She was there when I needed someone most, and I owe her my life for that, literally and gladly.
Let’s see: strong, willing to help others and sacrifice herself, protecting her friends… Sounds like a cleric to me. Not one of those fruity clerics with the staff though. One of those clerics that will smash you up with a mace if you piss them off. But otherwise is completely pleasant and helpful. She’s smart, and could kick your ass. Well, definitely my ass at least.
What class would I be?
Well if we’ve got the rogue, the wizard, and the cleric, I guess that would make me the fighter.
Strong, tough, and extremely protective of his friends. Willing to take the hits, because he trusts that his friends will have his back.
I think it suits me. Although I can’t say I’m the defender of my friends, or that I help them out as much as they help me, I’d like to think they know I do the best I can. I would gladly put myself in harm’s way for them, even when they charge headlong into battle, run screaming with the loot, or have just lit the building on fire (and it totally wasn’t their fault.)
If there is anything I want you guys to take from this little rant, it’s this: I love you guys so much, and I am absolutely honored to call you my friends. I can not put into words just how much you all mean to me, and I hope we will get to keep having these adventures for the rest of our lives.
Now, if only we could work on the loot gathering part… 🙂
-Shaman
Prompting you to take action!
The internet has recently been swept up by the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Is there a cause — social, political, cultural, or other — you passionately believe in? Tell us how you got involved — or why you don’t get involved.
I talk about a lot of causes.
I’ve definitely covered atheism on this blog, and will probably do so in the future.
I also have strong opinions on a lot sociopolitical issues – gay marriage, equality, education, welfare, etc. – and at some point I may talk about them here too. But although I may feel passionate about those subjects, I tend to abstain from bringing them into the public square.
Politics turns into loud screaming match that gets us nowhere and doesn’t really solve anything. Were the political climate less confrontational, I might be more inclined to wade into the discussion. I also don’t really mind other people’s beliefs, and only when they are thrust upon me. Plus, we have enough irreligious warriors in the Amazing Atheist, Richard Dawkins, Jaclyn Glenn, etc., and I think they are doing a good enough job on their own.
I am also a hardcore skeptic, and I feel that debunking false claims, pseudoscience, and other sorts of woo is extremely important. But I don’t really passionately charge at people doing those things. I’m more like a sleeping volcano, who gets prodded by these things and ends up blowing up at the triggering person in a pyroclastic flow of logic and science.
That is assuming I even care at the moment.
Most strangers can believe in their crystals, homeopathy, and the like. I only really speak out when I see family and friends buying into stuff like that. So even though I feel passionate about this also, I don’t jump up and actively work against it.
There is one thing I’ve been involved in, and I still feel passionately about: Father’s rights.
I got involved in the father’s rights movement because I was a single father who was trying to establish my paternity (my ex actually wanted me to leave, since I didn’t want to be with her. She wanted to keep me off of it so her eventual husband could take my place and adopt uncontested) and gain the ability to see my daughter. I, like many other men, was put through the ringer, and I didn’t even deal directly with the courts.
I was barred from the hospital after my daughter was born, because I had the audacity to ask what steps I needed to take to be put on the birth certificate. Then, while trying to avoid court, I was forced to jump through hoops while I tried to get whatever time with her I could, which was a slowly dwindling amount. This was all because my only option was court, even if they were fully cooperative.
When I finally got sick of the run around, and asked them directly to let me put my name on the birth certificate, I was threatened with never seeing my daughter again.
I decided to petition for paternity, and didn’t see my daughter for 4 months as a result. Instead, she got to call another man dad, and I had to shell out for a lawyer. Then I had to go to mediation, take a paternity class, do a trial/integration period, give an arm and a leg, make a blood sacrifice to Cthulhu, and other legal mumbo jumbo. Eventually, all that got me basic visitation, monthly child support, and one year’s worth of arrears owed (almost 3000.) According to my lawyer, all of that was an incredible deal, and I was lucky to get it.
That was the part that I couldn’t take.
The fact that I got the bare minimum required by law, and was lucky for it, was infuriating.
Then I looked at all the other stories, all the other things people went through, and it made me even madder.
The system is corrupt, and is mired in misguided sexism for both genders. According to the courts, women are weak mothers who never want to work again and need to be protected from the evil men. The men should be reduced to nothing more than walking wallets to bleed dry, because they must all be deadbeats, even the ones who petition and fight for their children.
Things in Utah are improving slowly, especially in public awareness. But the laws have yet to really change. I heard there was a committee or something working on it, so it will still probably be a while before they do. I only hope that they change while I can still benefit from them with my daughter.
But why am I not still involved with father’s rights?
The reason is a little selfish: it’s because I don’t need to fight any more.
I have time with my daughter and an amicable relationship with my ex. I am also not in a position to gain much more, and I could (and probably would) lose a lot by trying. So for now I am happy to sit back and take a passive role trying to spread awareness to those who want to listen. That will probably change in the future, but for now I’m enjoying the thing other people fight so hard for.
I am enjoying time with my family. That is a cause worth fighting for.
-Shaman
So, I was going to write a blog post yesterday. It was going to be a good length, deep look at how I feel about religion. I’m trying to not to make this blog a religion/ atheism blog, but it is what is on my mind, so it will probably be posted at some point.
I had the whole day off yesterday, and sat down to write it in the morning. Since you are not reading a post about religion right now, what do you think I did instead?
I ended up modding my Nerf guns, and even giving one a cool (albeit poorly) done paint job.
I know its a children’s toy, but come on, that looks bad-ass.
I think it looks like something out of Mass Effect, and it shoots farther and harder now.
It took me all day, in between watching episodes of Archer.
So why couldn’t I feel the urge to write? Aren’t I supposed to like writing? Like blogging?
Shouldn’t I be trying to make my deadlines?
The answer is yes, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. This blog was started as a way to help me be a happier, healthier person. As a way to put my thoughts out in the world.
It was not designed to be a way for me to hate myself for missing deadlines.
So, with that in mind, my post I was going to do yesterday will come out Saturday, and the rest of this post will just update you all on my life.
So here we go:
Firstly, the biggest news is that I am currently trying to get into shape. I’m not doing any fancy diet or exercise plan, I am just cutting down on the enormous amount of calories that I have been eating to stay the weight I am. When I started I was 325 pounds at 6’2″ height.
In just the two and a half weeks I have been at this, I have lost 9 pounds!
I’m feeling pretty good about it, and although the first week was a bit of a challenge, and it will only get harder, I’m at least going to get back down to my high school weight of 275. My true goal is to be 225, so wish me luck!
Secondly, I actually posted some of my music on here. I know the qualty isn’t great, and my singing is average at best, but it is nice to finally get it posted. I will be posting more of my music in the future, so keep an eye out for that. I will also go back and touch up what I have done in the future as I get better equipment, musicians, etc.
I’ve also have been looking for a new job. Writing cover letters, resumes, and searching has been part of why my posts have been more erratic. I’m hoping to find something that not only pays better, but that I also feel happier doing. Apparently there are people in the world who feel that way about their work, and I’d like to be one of them. In this economy I’m not too hopeful though.
Also in between everything else I have been working on my story. I’m kind of stuck on the actual, y’know, writing part of it. But I have a much more developed sense of my characters, and a basic way for things to go. Hopefully I’ll be set to at least write it for NaNoWriMo in november.
Finally, I was nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by Olvia In La La Land. I’m very honored, and it may be a bit, but I will get to the ‘official’ acceptance part of it in the near future. But I wanted to take the time to thank everyone for reading, and I hope you continue to do so in the future.
-Shaman
24 Years
24 years I lived on this earth.
24 years I have learned
24 years to prove my worth
24 years I’ve yearned.
24 years of triumph I’ve earned
24 years of failure too
24 years of opportunity spurned
24 years of my demon’s I slew..
24 years I’ve questioned what is true.
24 years few answers I know
24 years of life I’ve gone through
And many more years to go.
-Shaman Romney 2014
Daily Prompt Time!
We all have complicated histories. When was the last time your past experiences informed a major decision you’ve made?
We are all affected by our past experiences. Whether we realize it or not, that is a core part of our human nature.
Some are more inclined to look to the past than others. Some get trapped, forever reliving it. Some turn away, never wanting to remember.
Our past shapes us. It turns us into who we are in the present, changes how we view our lives and causes us to act differently in the future. Two people can look at a life event, and because of their past they will draw completely different interpretations of it.
For example, someone who had a traumatic experience involving heights when they were a child isn’t going to want to ride on a roller coaster as an adult. But someone who remembers fun times at the amusement park with their family, going on rides with their dad, teasing their little brothers, etc. is going to love going on them again and again, and will most likely pass that love on to their kids. The former person will probably avoid amusement parks all together.
However, nothing is set in stone.
We have the ability to think about and analyze our past experiences. At times it may be hard to be that introspective, or to relive past traumas. But analyzing or past in an objective, healthy, and mindful matter allows us to see each experience as what it really is: a lesson.
Lessons aren’t inherently good or bad. They are just a way you learn more about yourself. Thinking about the past in that way allows you to shape your future into what you want it to be. Even the most horrific, awful things in your life will be learning experiences, and that makes them easier to move on from. The good things reinforce the positives you have, and make the learning feel even more worthwhile.
So, to answer the original question, when was the last time my past informed a major decision?
It was when I was deciding to start this blog. I looked back at my past, and saw all of the times I had failed. All of the times I had started a project, only to leave it half-finished. All the times I had a good idea, and left it behind to gather dust. I looked at all these negatives, and decided to build a positive.
Now, I do have positive experiences. My daughter, my friends, my family are all wonderful things in my life. But they all were passive things I didn’t have to try for. I wanted to make an experience that I could look back on with pride. I wanted to give myself a new lesson. Not the usual “failure sucks, but you’ll learn” lesson. I wanted a better lesson. One that says, “Look at what you can accomplish, and how good it feels to succeed.”
Hopefully, that is what this blog will become.
Plus, writing is easier for me than weight loss and rollercoasters. 🙂
-Shaman
Shame on The Universe 