So, I was going to write a blog post yesterday. It was going to be a good length, deep look at how I feel about religion. I’m trying to not to make this blog a religion/ atheism blog, but it is what is on my mind, so it will probably be posted at some point.
I had the whole day off yesterday, and sat down to write it in the morning. Since you are not reading a post about religion right now, what do you think I did instead?
I ended up modding my Nerf guns, and even giving one a cool (albeit poorly) done paint job.
I know its a children’s toy, but come on, that looks bad-ass.
I think it looks like something out of Mass Effect, and it shoots farther and harder now.
It took me all day, in between watching episodes of Archer.
So why couldn’t I feel the urge to write? Aren’t I supposed to like writing? Like blogging?
Shouldn’t I be trying to make my deadlines?
The answer is yes, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. This blog was started as a way to help me be a happier, healthier person. As a way to put my thoughts out in the world.
It was not designed to be a way for me to hate myself for missing deadlines.
So, with that in mind, my post I was going to do yesterday will come out Saturday, and the rest of this post will just update you all on my life.
So here we go:
Firstly, the biggest news is that I am currently trying to get into shape. I’m not doing any fancy diet or exercise plan, I am just cutting down on the enormous amount of calories that I have been eating to stay the weight I am. When I started I was 325 pounds at 6’2″ height.
In just the two and a half weeks I have been at this, I have lost 9 pounds!
I’m feeling pretty good about it, and although the first week was a bit of a challenge, and it will only get harder, I’m at least going to get back down to my high school weight of 275. My true goal is to be 225, so wish me luck!
Secondly, I actually posted some of my music on here. I know the qualty isn’t great, and my singing is average at best, but it is nice to finally get it posted. I will be posting more of my music in the future, so keep an eye out for that. I will also go back and touch up what I have done in the future as I get better equipment, musicians, etc.
I’ve also have been looking for a new job. Writing cover letters, resumes, and searching has been part of why my posts have been more erratic. I’m hoping to find something that not only pays better, but that I also feel happier doing. Apparently there are people in the world who feel that way about their work, and I’d like to be one of them. In this economy I’m not too hopeful though.
Also in between everything else I have been working on my story. I’m kind of stuck on the actual, y’know, writing part of it. But I have a much more developed sense of my characters, and a basic way for things to go. Hopefully I’ll be set to at least write it for NaNoWriMo in november.
Finally, I was nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by Olvia In La La Land. I’m very honored, and it may be a bit, but I will get to the ‘official’ acceptance part of it in the near future. But I wanted to take the time to thank everyone for reading, and I hope you continue to do so in the future.
Today, write about any topic you feel like — but you must reuse your opening line (at least) two more times in the course of your post.
I want to change the world.
I have not clue how. I don’t even know where to begin. Large, small, for better or worse; I have no clue.
But still that rings through my head: I want to change the world.
I didn’t really realize it until my last blog post. I went with taking the chip, for what I thought were very good reasons. Add to human knowledge, revolutionize psychology as we know it. Help people. Sure, it wouldn’t be a very fun life for me. Being isolated from my friends. My family. My daughter. Not completely gone from their lives, but it wouldn’t be the same. It would be lonely. But at some level, it would be worth it if I could leave my mark.
A lot of people didn’t think so. They may have had respect for my reasons, saw them as nice; as noble. The typical response was that the sacrifice would be too hard, the downsides too great. Some people even thought it was wrong that the losses I would want to do it.
I can’t say they are wrong. Is the willingness to toss my self aside for the “greater good” really good? Do I even know what good is? Am I even able to perform the good that I keep proposing to do?
I want to change the world. But I don’t know if I can?
But then I start to take a different angle. Have I been looking at things wrong? I am so focused on changing the world at large. At leaving a grand mark. There is no way I have done that, right?
Wrong. I already have changed the world. Just by living my life. Just by being human.
If I didn’t exist, millions of things would be different. My daughter would be gone, some of my friends would be much worse off, and some may be better. But the world would be an entirely changed for my absence.
Even by writing this now, I am changing things. I can’t know right now how things will change. If it will be big or small. Good or bad. But it will be a different outcome than if I did nothing.
I want to change the world. I guess I’ll get started.
A mad scientist friend offers you a chip that would allow you to know what the people you’re talking to are thinking. The catch: you can’t turn it off. Do you accept the chip?
Probably. Sure, it’s a social double-edged sword. But it’s also superpowers.
One common theme I noticed on a lot of the other posts on this topic is how it would disrupt their everyday lives, destroying their friendships and keeping them from being able to live normal. They would feel bad invading other people’s privacy unwillingly, would dread having to leave society, would feel the weight of the moral implications crushing them, etc.
Those are all very good, valid points.
But when you have superpowers, why would you want to be normal?
I pretty damn sure I would instantly lose all my friendships, due to knowing what my friends truly think, as they think it, unfiltered and live. But I could get new friends, and even rebuild relationships, over the internet or phone. Can’t read someone’s thoughts when they are miles away, right?
I also couldn’t really stand to be around people for large amounts of time, or around large crowds due to the inevitable brain over-load. But there are many jobs you can do from home, groceries delivered to your front door, and I’m not exactly a social butterfly anyways. I would just be prepared for a psychic onslaught when I went into public, but it wouldn’t be an everyday thing I’d have to endure.
It would also completely destroy my self-esteem at first, since hearing how someone thinks you are fat, ugly, and stupid for the umpteenth time wouldn’t be fun for anyone. But at the same time, if someone likes you, or thinks you are awesome, you would know that is how they truly feel. You could surround yourself with the truly nicest people around. Or, at least, the most honest jerks you don’t mind. Plus, it would force you to develop a thick skin, a strong sense of self, and a good sense for bullshit.
Aside from all that awfulness, I’d have to power to know people’s thoughts. I’d know the perfect thing to say, when someone is lying to me, a person’s bank account info, where the killer hid the body and murder weapon, insider trading information, etc.
That is a lot of power to wield, I’m getting a maniacal rush just thinking of it.
It is a lot of knowledge too. I could learn things at the speed of thought from Stephen Hawking, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and other great minds. I would know how someone’s brain processes normally, and how it would change or differ while under the influence of drugs or mental illness. Imagine all of the leaps and bounds you could make in the fields of psychology, philosophy, and sociology. Not to mention, other fields of science, by being able to combine the best thoughts out there into one. Imagine being able to literally write the book on people, on how different personality types work, on how people think and feel. Imagine being the greatest mind alive.
Why would I ever pass up that opportunity?
So, since I’m not a manipulative bastard, my plan after getting the chip is to use my power to make a bunch of money and move somewhere away from civilization. Then, I would either visit or invite people so I could learn and develop various grand world shattering theories and the like. Go to school online, make friends via the internet, and general live a good, productive, world changing existence.
Or, you know, use it to become an evil, world ruling dictator with my mad scientist second in command.
Or use it to get laid.
Or even do all of the above.
Because who would really be able to use god-like powers for only good?
This is a follow up to my post, God Prefers an atheist, where I clarify points and discuss topics that came up in the comments.
First of all, I love comments. I love discussion and debate. I love that this post did inspire my friends and other to come out and comment. So thank you to everyone who joined in. Since is this is the first time I’ve discussed something like this in detail on my blog, I’m going to more posts, going off of the things brought up during the discussion.
First up is the idea of original sin and hell: As both Brandon and Alex pointed out, the concept of original sin may not mean one is doomed to hell. Only in certain sects of Christianity, typically Evangelical Protestants, do people need to actively convert and accept Jesus Christ, or be consigned to fiery damnation. The only reason this view seems to get said a lot is due to the United States having the largest concentration of Evangelicals.
The main misunderstanding I had was that I confused original sin with guilt. Original sin is the idea that Adam and Eve’s fall in the garden cause the rest of humanity some sort of detriment. Usually in the form of suffering or an inclination towards sin, but it can be as extreme as the doom to hell I mentioned in the other post. Guilt and personal sin are the actions you have in this life, and they are the things that typically get you an appointment with good old Mr. Scratch. As Brandon said, it is a very misunderstood topic, and as Alex pointed out I made a large generalization in my last post.
So here are two examples of interpretations of original sin where I may not go to hell: Mormonism and Catholicism.
In Mormonism, one is only damned to hell for actively turning away from god after witnessing him in his true glory. To put it simply, unless one has gone through the temple and been ordained, they aren’t able to deny god since they don’t know him. Therefore it is after death that they make the decision to convert or deny god. That is the only way to get to outer darkness, or hell, in the Mormon faith. Even atrocities from the likes of dictators would not be enough to deny those dictators heaven, unless they knew god like the Mormon priesthood does. In regards to original sin, Jesus would have atoned for it, and therefore we no longer suffer due to it.
Therefore, according to Mormonism, I would go to heaven, because by then I would actually see and know god and thusly would no longer be an agnostic atheist. Sure, I don’t get to be an eternal spirit being with my own planet, but even the Telestial kingdom is supposed to be nice and chill, something akin to a deathless painless earth.
Catholicism has the Nostra Aetete, which addresses how people from other faiths may still reach salvation through their faith, even if they do not follow the Catholic Church. My friend Alex (the one who left the comment) once explained it to me this way: if a Buddhist was to die, he would go to the afterlife, and Jesus would appear to him. He would tell them that being Buddhist was in line with god’s teachings, and was in fact just another path to god. They would then be allowed into the kingdom of heaven. The same goes for other faiths, although I am over generalizing it a little bit. Original sin in Catholicism just accounts for humans acting sinfully, instead of acting on our divine roots.
When it comes to Catholicism, were I of a conflicting faith, things would be perfect for me. However, the church seems to be very much against agnosticism, and has mixed views towards atheism. Although one could argue using the Nostra Aetete that atheists may also go to heaven, the source I found for Catholic Doctrine on agnosticism isn’t as pretty. So, more likely than not, I would be going to hell according to the Catholic Church, but there is room for debate. Ironically it would be for my agnosticism though, and not the atheism.
So can I win with original sin?
Apparently it is a solid maybe. That is new news to me, and I may in the future try not to generalize beliefs as much in the future. One should instead look at the God Prefers an Atheist post and insert Evangelical or any other sect with those opinions in instead of just Christian. Because the sentiment of the post still remains true. Any god that would force me to believe or go to hell is not worth believing in. As far as how I feel about gods who are kinder than that, that will have to be addressed in a later post.
Now of course, if I have gotten anything wrong, feel free to correct me on the above. I did research, but it was only one or two levels removed from google and Wikipedia. So do you think I’ve got the concept of original sin, or do I still need to learn more?
Would God prefer someone who is ever faithful, but who only does good things because he is afraid of eternal damnation?
Or would he prefer some who does good acts and betters the world, but does not worship or even believe in him?
I’m not the first person to ask this, but it amazes me how many people get thrown off when I bring this up to them. Usually it is Christians that get thrown, because one of the main tenets of their religion is to seek forgiveness from Christ. As long as one seeks Christs forgiveness, no matter how late in life or how heinous their actions, they will be forgiven.
They always seem to glance over the other part of that: if you are a good person and you do nothing but good in your life, but never seek forgiveness from Christ, your soul is hell-bound.
Thus, the do good things and seek to do Christ’s work because they don’t want to go to hell.
I this that is disgusting. I hate the idea of original sin, especially when it is implied that people are wrong, awful, and need to be saved.
I find the idea of a god who does this to people, and then wants them to worship him to keep him from harming them.
I don’t believe that any god worth believing in would need someone like me to believe in him. Further more, a god worth believing in would never punish someone who doesn’t believe in him, solely for that lack of belief.
Now, the idea of an all forgiving and loving god does not bother me. In fact, it gives me comfort. Two of my best friends believe in such a god, and I have large amounts of respect for them, and they for me. If more people truly believed in God like they do, I think the world would be a better place.
Because an all loving god wouldn’t care what you do in his name. He wouldn’t care that you prayed to him day and night. He would only care about the good you tried to bring to the world.
Now, why do I stay an agnostic atheist? Marcus Aurelius put it best:
Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.
I’m not saying that you can’t live a good life if you are religious. There is plenty of evidence to prove you can. But doing good, to be good, is what everyone should strive for. Were I God, I would prefer someone who has pure motivations for being nice, not the ulterior motives of heavenly reward or eternal damnation.
In an earlier blog post, I talked about how I might try being the Albert Einstein of blogging. I posted a piece of advice Teller gave Brian Brushwood that changed his life. I talked about one part of the advice, and I’d like to cover another part of it.
To quote the book:
“I should be a film editor. I’m a magician. And if I’m good, it’s because I should be a film editor. Bach should have written opera or plays. But instead, he worked in eighteenth-century counterpoint. That’s why his counterpoints have so much more point that others. They have passion and plot. Shakespeare, on the other hand, should have been a musician, writing counterpoint. That’s why his plays stand out from the others through their plot and music.”
I love games. Video games, board games, role-playing games, card games, games, games, games. My favorite kinds are turn based strategy games and role-playing type games. I love the interplay of the rules, and the rich and deep stories. I will dig into the lore of a great fantasy world like Dark Souls, or a Sci-Fi universe like Mass Effect. I love creating a character with desires, drives, quirks and questions, that pull a game along.
I also, much to other people’s chagrin, love to poke holes, abuse rules, and optimize my characters and games as much as I can. I will find the interplay of skills, ask the annoying questions, and overall try to take your plans and throw them out the window.
I’m not a munchkin by any means, but I will play around with the rules a lot. My favorite character I mad was in a wild west setting. I made a bounty hunter who fought with a lasso and took people in alive. The other smallish detail… he was bullet proof. It was legal by the rules, and made for one hell of a game.
But I am getting off topic. Why do I bring all this up?
Because as I was trying to figure out the plot and world for the book I’m writing, I noticed I had an easier time when I created characters via a character sheet, the magic as a magic system, and scenes as campaign events. If I start to picture my novel as a game and write it that way, the plot flows easier. It also stays much more consistent. I no longer have to wonder what my character can do with his magic. I already know what his powers do, what he would need to do to learn more, and how the laws of the world works. That way if I get to a moment and think,”How will he get out of this one?” I can do it without any trouble.
I get to design my own universe, with its own rules and own logic. At another level, since I want to write something more urban fantasy style, I get to change and redesign this one. I don’t have a god complex, but it is fun.
I get to create my own game system via my writing. I get to live out one of my dreams of designing games. Maybe not in the way i wanted. But I’ll take it. 🙂
Tell us about something you (or a person close to you) have done recently (or not so recently) that has made you really, unabashedly proud.
I don’t really brag enough.I would like to say that it is because I’m modest, but that isn’t it. I actually struggle with my self esteem. It is very hard for me to see the good in my self, even when everyone around me tells me its there. It is something that I have dealt with my whole life.Or, I only used to feel that way.
I don’t know when it happened, but one day I woke up and when I looked in the mirror, I saw the face of a guy I liked staring back at me. A not half bad looking guy with great hair and a great smile. I see the guy that people were telling me about, and I like him too.
When the hell did it happen? I have no idea. I was dealing with all the same problems, all the same issues, and I haven’t really felt like I made progress. In fact, I have recently felt beat down and drained towards all of it, and almost felt like giving up. I’ve felt stagnant, unchanging, and unsure on what to do.
But apparently, through all of that struggle, I did gain something.
You just inherited $1,000,000 from an aunt you didn’t even know existed. What’s the first thing you buy (or otherwise use the money for)?
First thing?
I would invest/save it and use the interest to buy things/pay debts/etc.
Yes, I know that is a boring answer. But I haven’t really ever desired to have tons of money and “nice” things. I’ve always wanted enough to live comfortably and simply.
Plus, one million dollars can’t actually buy as much as you would think. That is a very nice house and car with a couple hundred thousand left over after taxes. With a cheaper car and such it can go farther, but if you just chip away at the resource, eventually it will run out.
But, say I threw it in a five year certificate (which is the absolutely simplest way to save it, not the best one. I’d go see a planner), and had the interest on it go into my savings. At 2%, that would be $20,000 a year in interest. Sure, that’s not very much after taxes, but since I only make around $16,000 a year after taxes at the moment, that doubles my income. That would certainly me my life easier.
I could look for a job I really want without being afraid of lacking an income. Or I could work less hours at the one I have now, giving me more time to focus on my writing and music. I could also keep working the same amount, but buy a house, a car, fancy clothes, new guitars, video games….
But as I said, I don’t care for shiny things. So, in that case, what would I do with the money?
Assuming I’d gotten my self handled, I would help people with it.
First, I would help friends and family.
I would help my friends go back to school, so they could finish/get the degrees they want, but can’t afford.
I’d take some of the burden off of my mom and cover some of her house payment and other debts.
I would definitely save some money for my daughter’s schooling.
If I somehow handled all of my family and friends with money to spare, I would start trying to help others.
Maybe I would donate some to causes I find important, like father’s rights, or the homeless. But I haven’t really thought that far before, since I’ve never really had enough money and influence to think about effecting the world at large. So I guess that part I will deal with when it happens.
My basic point being, that although money can by possessions and a fancy life style, that isn’t going to matter in the end. When you are back to being broke you aren’t going to really want your super expensive Lamborghini and Armani suits.
But friends, family, and memories: these things sustain us, comfort us in our last days, fill us with happiness and love, and make life worth living.
Seems like they would be worth investing in, right?
-Shaman
P.S: What do you guys think? Comment below or link me your responses so I can check them out.
So I have had a post I’ve been working on for a little bit now about Slenderman, creepy pastas, The Fear Mythos, etc and how they utilize the internet in a unique way to create a new form of storytelling. I was going to link some of the better examples of this, along with my personal favorites, and spread the word on a genre that most of the internet is bored and sick of.
For those of you who can’t click the link, and/or have been living under the digital equivalent of a rock for the last couple of days (like I have,) here is a quick summary: two twelve year old girls in Wisconsin premeditated and attempted to murder a friend of theirs by stabbing her 19 times and leaving her for dead in the woods. (The victim survived and is amazingly in stable condition.)
The reason they gave the authorities for doing it? Because, after reading about him on the internet, they thought that Slenderman was real. The murder was to appease him, so that he would appear and make them his “slender-proxies” and take them away to live with him in his “slender-mansion.”
My thoughts on the situation:
These two girls are obviously insane. I could understand a little better if they had stumbled upon an ARG like Marble Hornets, or a slender-blog like Just Another Fool and mistook them for reality. Part of what makes those stories interesting is how they represent themselves as taking place in reality, and other people have done it before. But they went to the creepy pasta wiki. Not only does that site itself have disclaimers all over it stating that it is fiction, but it has members making comments about the stories, lists of different authors and stories, and it in no way pretends to be anything other than a fiction site. So, these girls would have to ignore all the signs and signals that Slenderman is fake, and then build their mistaken belief. They also mentioned that they could here him telepathically. No sane, rational mind can believe that.
Because they are insane, I do believe throwing the book at them and leaving them to rot may not be the best way to handle things. Even if they are tried as adults, I believe they could still be helped. They could be schizophrenic, sociopaths, etc and only a trained professional can really tell what they need. So I’m not sure what the sentence should be. I will have to what and see the judge’s opinion.
One thing I am sure of though, is that the website is in absolutely no way responsible, and should not shut down/censored/harmed in any way. Any suggestions to that effect are asinine and completely misguided. Anybody who feels that way is wrong. I hate it when people try to blame t for peoples irrational behavior. Sure, these two girls were inspired to commit murder because of this art. But millions of other people did not. They saw all of this for what it is: Art.
I also noticed how horrifically ironic this situation is. It plays out exactly like many Slenderman stories do. The protagonist learns of his existence, starts to feel watched/harassed by him until finally they break and either commit suicide or get killed by him, or they decide to become one of his proxies, usually by doing something awful, like murder. Then, people hear about what happened, and start to research Slenderman themselves, starting everything over again.
This also reminds me of another slender-blog I have read. This one was a run of the mill blog, but it had a twist ending. The last parts of the blog involved the character hunting down some slender-proxies to kill them and get an anti-slenderman artifact. He succeeds, but in the end the artifact fails and it ends with him going on the run, with the assumption he dies. But then about a month later someone starts posting, claiming to be his brother. He says that the author had been suffering from mental illness, and that he was taken in by the authorities due to his assumed connection in a string of murders. He said that all of the stuff that he was posting on the blog wasn’t true, and were the delusions of a mad man. The truly awful part is the implication that the internet community pushed him towards it, by playing along with his insanity. Thinking he was just another game.
Now, the real author came out and assured everyone it was a story. But it makes me think, could something similar have happened in this situation? Could a member of the forum, thinking they were playing a game, have misguided them and sent them down this path by telling them,”Yes, he is real,” and causing this tragedy? Could this just be a game that went a little too far?
There is probably no way to find out. But the thought will probably keep me up at night.
We tend to copy the things we like. Imitation is a sincere form of flattery, and many great writers have made a career out of paying homage to the things they love.
But you have to be extremely careful not to cross the line into plagiarism.
Now, I’ve been trying to work on my novel. I was making a decent amount of progress, but I have had to take everything back to the beginning. Here is why:
While I was working on it, I started with my main character. The basic idea I started with was that he was a writer who uses magic based on the written and spoken word. Slowly I started to add personality: smart, not too subtle, stubborn, clever, snarky, very intuitive, wants to help people, etc…
If you know the Dresden files, you might notice I could very well be describing Harry Dresden. The only difference being my guy is a writer, and not a private investigator.
So I took a step back, and decided I would just work on the magic system.
If that was unique, then he wouldn’t be like Dresden, right? The original idea was magic that is drawn from creativity and imagination. Power would come from how clever and creative you are, and less to do with raw power and will. I started thinking how one would use it, power level of it, how to weaponize/utilize it in combat, etc.
Do you want to guess how this went too?
In short, I took the above and slowly started to add rules after rules to pin down the system. When I got done, my character would be limited to imagining fire, force, wind, ice and the like for combat, leaving more complex effects for sitting down rituals. So basically, I made Dresden’s magic.
That kept happening with most things. Supporting characters, back story, governmental entities, and other stuff like that. I took a break from it for a bit, and when I finally turned around and looked at it, it was just a poor writer’s Dresden files.
Now, I don’t really lose much sleep over that. I see it as a testament to Jim Butcher’s writing and the world he created. His characters are deep, his system is consistent and logical, and his writing is exciting. I am holding of on writing my novel for a bit specifically because I finished (and I am also rereading) his current release. (By the way, it is extremely good, and if you couldn’t tell, I think people should read the whole series.)
I probably wasn’t even copying his work as bad I thought. But the reason I wanted to write about it, is because I think this is a pitfall that newer writer’s like me fall into all the time.
There is no shame in loving an author’s work, and having them inspire you on some level. But if you imitate too closely, you are a best writing fan fiction, and at worse you are stealing.
Therefore it’s back to the drawing board for me. But I think my story will be better for it.
-Shaman
P.S: With all I like about Jim Butcher, I just thought I’d share his LiveJournal link here. He gives a lot of good advice for aspiring writer’s, and it would be very good to check out. 🙂
Shame on The Universe 