Archive for the ‘Personal’ Tag

What do I have to brag about?   1 comment

Right to Brag

Tell us about something you (or a person close to you) have done recently (or not so recently) that has made you really, unabashedly proud.

I don’t really brag enough.I would like to say that it is because I’m modest, but that isn’t it. I actually struggle with my self esteem. It is very hard for me to see the good in my self, even when everyone around me tells me its there. It is something that I have dealt with my whole life.Or, I only used to feel that way.

I don’t know when it happened, but one day I woke up and when I looked in the mirror, I saw the face of a guy I liked staring back at me. A not half bad looking guy with great hair and a great smile. I see the guy that people were telling me about, and I like him too.

When the hell did it happen? I have no idea. I was dealing with all the same problems, all the same issues, and I haven’t really felt like I made progress. In fact, I have recently felt beat down and drained towards all of it, and almost felt like giving up. I’ve felt stagnant, unchanging, and unsure on what to do.

But apparently, through all of that struggle, I did gain something.

I gained a healthy sense of self esteem.

I think that is something worth bragging about.


If I Had A Million Dollars…   2 comments

Haven’t done one of these in a while.

You just inherited $1,000,000 from an aunt you didn’t even know existed. What’s the first thing you buy (or otherwise use the money for)?

First thing?

I would invest/save it and use the interest to buy things/pay debts/etc.

Yes, I know that is a boring answer. But I haven’t really ever desired to have tons of money and “nice” things. I’ve always wanted enough to live comfortably and simply.

Plus, one million dollars can’t actually buy as much as you would think. That is a very nice house and car with a couple hundred thousand left over after taxes. With a cheaper car and such it can go farther, but if you just chip away at the resource, eventually it will run out.

But, say I threw it in a five year certificate (which is the absolutely simplest way to save it, not the best one. I’d go see a planner), and had the interest on it go into my savings. At 2%, that would be $20,000 a year in interest. Sure, that’s not very much after taxes, but since I only make around $16,000 a year after taxes at the moment, that doubles my income. That would certainly me my life easier.

I could look for a job I really want without being afraid of lacking an income. Or I could work less hours at the one I have now, giving me more time to focus on my writing and music. I could also keep working the same amount, but buy a house, a car, fancy clothes, new guitars, video games….

But as I said, I don’t care for shiny things. So, in that case, what would I do with the money?

Assuming I’d gotten my self handled, I would help people with it.

First, I would help friends and family.

I would help my friends go back to school, so they could finish/get the degrees they want, but can’t afford.

I’d take some of the burden off of my mom and cover some of her house payment and other debts.

I would definitely save some money for my daughter’s schooling.

If I somehow handled all of my family and friends with money to spare, I would start trying to help others.

Maybe I would donate some to causes I find important, like father’s rights, or the homeless. But I haven’t really thought that far before, since I’ve never really had enough money and influence to think about effecting the world at large. So I guess that part I will deal with when it happens.

My basic point being, that although money can by possessions and a fancy life style, that isn’t going to matter in the end. When you are back to being broke you aren’t going to really want your super expensive Lamborghini and Armani suits.

But friends, family, and memories: these things sustain us, comfort us in our last days, fill us with happiness and love, and make life worth living.

Seems like they would be worth investing in, right?


P.S: What do you guys think? Comment below or link me your responses so I can check them out.

Spoiler Alert   Leave a comment

I am horrible with avoiding spoilers.

I am horribly horrendously horrifically horrible at avoiding spoilers.

I just lack the discipline required to keep things a secret from myself when I have the resources to find them out. I will regularly spoil every single plot point of a TV series before I’m even done with the first season. Maybe it’s because I want to be able to join the dialogue about an episode sooner than it would take for me to marathon the whole thing. Maybe I just like to find out the destination, to know if the journey is worth my time. (I’m looking at you Mass Effect 3.)

All I know is it is a problem, a serious problem.

It almost got me this time. The newest book in the Dresden files, Skin Game, came out today. My copy won’t arrive until tonight at the earliest. I’ve been dreading the wait. Holding back the temptation to go online and look up the big events of the book. I tried really, really hard to practice good self-discipline.

I am happy to say, I have valiantly succeeded.

Sadly, I almost made it.

I caved almost immediately…

I logged on to the forums and went to the spoilers page, and found the first “OMG I can’t believe that happened” topic there. I clicked on it and right before he got to all the juicy spoilers, he mentioned that he had been waiting for his copy and it wasn’t going to arrive until Friday. He however, had broken down and bought the e-book as soon as it became available.

So I did that instead.

Take that spoiler issues, I can destroy you with instant gratification and disposable income.

Because, who really needs self-discipline anyway?


P.S: Sorry for missing a week’s worth of posts. I got sick and couldn’t post. I should be resuming normal posting.

Intentional Information Inundation   Leave a comment

I love information. I love to just soak it all up like a giant sponge.

Most of the time it doesn’t even matter what it is. Sure, I have my more favored subjects, like psychology and personality typology, philosophy, religious debates, and a few others. But I will also spend larger amounts of time on less than useful subjects, like plot analysis of book series I haven’t read, video games I haven’t played, weapons I’ll never use and fields I’ll never go into.

Do I need to know how to make napalm, or C4? How about what a manic pixie dream girl, or what fridge horror is?

Not really, but it is fun to know. I don’t know why it is fun to know. I’ve just always found stuff like that fascinating. I have lots of theories as to why I’m this way. It could be a sign that I have ADHD. It could be that it is a trait of extraverted intuition (Ne) which is the auxiliary trait of an INTP. It could be that I’m a real life example of the seeker archetype. It could be I’m just bored with way too much time on my hands.

All I really know for sure is that it makes getting any one things done impossible. If I just sit down and try to focus on just one task, I get bored and distracted. Then, when my deadline hits, I either submit a half-finished product or a completely finished, but extremely rushed product.

Sometimes it can be a bonus towards work, if I am interested in the subject. Those times I burn through the project the first day and then either continue to refine it, or get bored and move to something else. That is nice, except people start to expect you to work that quickly all the time, and I normally cannot keep that pace.

In the end, its just the way I am. I don’t think its a probelm, as long as it doesn’t disrupt my life.

Just to drive the point home, I currently have 15 tabs open in my second browser window at work. 2 for snopes, 4 for rational wiki, 2 for personality cafe, 1 for IMDB, 2 for Deseret news, 1 for personality junkie, and 2 for WordPress. That would be a typical day for me.

Ok, maybe I do have a problem…


Posted 05/16/2014 by Shaman in Personal Thoughts

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Your Past Is A Lesson   Leave a comment

Daily Prompt Time!

We all have complicated histories. When was the last time your past experiences informed a major decision you’ve made?

We are all affected by our past experiences. Whether we realize it or not, that is a core part of our human nature.

Some are more inclined to look to the past than others. Some get trapped, forever reliving it. Some turn away, never wanting to remember.

Our past shapes us. It turns us into who we are in the present, changes how we view our lives and causes us to act differently in the future. Two people can look at a life event, and because of their past they will draw completely different interpretations of it.

For example, someone who had a traumatic experience involving heights when they were a child isn’t going to want to ride on a roller coaster as an adult. But someone who remembers fun times at the amusement park with their family, going on rides with their dad, teasing their little brothers, etc. is going to love going on them again and again, and will most likely pass that love on to their kids. The former person will probably avoid amusement parks all together.

However, nothing is set in stone.

We have the ability to think about and analyze our past experiences. At times it may be hard to be that introspective, or to relive past traumas. But analyzing or past in an objective, healthy, and mindful matter allows us to see each experience as what it really is: a lesson.

Lessons aren’t inherently good or bad. They are just a way you learn more about yourself. Thinking about the past in that way allows you to shape your future into what you want it to be. Even the most horrific, awful things in your life will be learning experiences, and that makes them easier to move on from. The good things reinforce the positives you have, and make the learning feel even more worthwhile.

So, to answer the original question, when was the last time my past informed a major decision?

It was when I was deciding to start this blog. I looked back at my past, and saw all of the times I had failed. All of the times I had started a project, only to leave it half-finished. All the times I had a good idea, and left it behind to gather dust. I looked at all these negatives, and decided to build a positive.

Now, I do have positive experiences. My daughter, my friends, my family are all wonderful things in my life. But they all were passive things I didn’t have to try for. I wanted to make an experience that I could look back on with pride. I wanted to give myself a new lesson. Not the usual “failure sucks, but you’ll learn” lesson. I wanted a better lesson. One that says, “Look at what you can accomplish, and how good it feels to succeed.”

Hopefully, that is what this blog will become.

Plus, writing is easier for me than weight loss and rollercoasters. 🙂


I Might Be Writing A Novel   1 comment

(My posts have been a little lackluster lately, but I have been writing, just not things that would be good for blog posts. I still want to keep my posting goal, but I don’t want to beat myself up too bad about it. The whole point is to keep writing, and as long as I”m doing that, I think its a positive. I’ll get back into the groove of blogging and poetry soon, so bear with me until then.)

I’ve always felt I wasn’t good at writing fiction.

I don’t feel like I’m very good at coming up with ideas. Many of my friends who are writers can pull ideas seemingly out of no where, with little to no effort at all. It takes me hours of working and retooling to get to where I’ve got a workable idea.

However, I did get a positive response to my 50 word story for the weekly challenge. So I think I will give writing it a shot. I only have a basic shell of a character right now, but I have a lot of world and universe info for it.

The basic idea would be this: A word-mage would use the magic contained in creativity to fight the forces of evil or… something. As I said, it isn’t a very detailed idea. I’m thinking it’ll be modern-day fantasy, maybe urban, but I am trying not to copy certain books in that genre.

I will probably be posting updates and parts on this blog as I work on it, but mostly I will be doing it in the background.

Thanks for reading,


A Little About Me   Leave a comment

I was going to try to make a post today, but all of them were kind of lack luster. But since I am distracted by things that I like right now, I’m just going to write a little about them:

– I’m really into personality typing. The one I find I like the best is the MBTI, focusing more on function stacks. I find they help me understand others, and helps me improve my self.

– I love the Dresden Files, and I can wait for the next one that is coming out at the end of the month. I’m not a poster at the forums, but I am a long time lurker.

– I’m currently (re)playing Dark Souls for the 7th time, although I have not even beaten it once. I get like halfway through, and decide to make a new character. hopefully I will break that pattern with this play through.

– I have a 3-year-old daughter who I get to have over this weekend. She is adorable and the love of my life. I need to clean our room so she doesn’t think her daddy is a slob. 🙂

– I love learning useless information. Stuff like Tv Tropes and Cracked are like… well, crack to me. Its been killing my productivity.

I can’t really think of anything more, and I’m usually pretty bad at describing myself. So I hope everyone has a good day, and I will start the new week with actual posts.


Posted 05/04/2014 by Shaman in Personal Thoughts

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