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Issues   Leave a comment

Everyone has got issues.

Some are small, like being a couple of pounds overweight, or being allergic to penicillin(not that small at times, but doesn’t come up at often.) Some are big, like being a war victim or a quadriplegic.
Regardless of what they are, how we deal with them defines us. It shows the world how we handle the cards we are dealt. That is how we get those world defining, brave, super awesome ra-ra success stories. It’s also how we get the super sad, depressing, bottom of the barrel stories. A lot of the time, we end up getting both in some nice combo meal of successful failure or faulty success.

But, more likely, our personal fight doesn’t define the world, or get on the new, or really anything like that. They stay personal. As they should. They define us, and even if they become bigger and more open, if they didn’t help us grow personally then we never really dealt with them, now did we?

With that in mind, I’d like to talk about my issues, and my somewhat feeble, but still important, steps towards defeating them.

I suffer from an enjoyable combination of unyielding optimism and existential angst, with strong introversion and a need for people that borders on narcissistic, with a high intelligence and enough undeserved issues to drown a freudian elephant. I could easily qualify for clinical anxiety, depression, or any host of other diagnoses. I most closely fit the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder, and at my darkest times have met the diagnostic criteria.

I definitely could benefit from large amounts of therapy. Probably drugs also, but if its pure personality kind of thing, they wont do very much. However, my lack of a car and free time means I am trying to go it alone using Wikipedia(also known as best the resource besides google) and willpower.

Not surprisingly, it isn’t very effective.

But, unbeknownst to the rest of me, the unyielding optimism teamed up with the intelligent narcissist (we’ll deal with him later, but he gets results) to make all the little blocks of work I’ve bringing into something resembling a house now.

I’ve gone from OMFG-bat-head-eating-wall-punching-fear-inducing insanity to OMG-brocolli-head-eating-bag-punching-beer-imbibing craziness.

That’s progress, right?

TL/DR: I’m crazy, I’m human, I’m working on it.

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Posted 02/14/2014 by Shaman in Personal Thoughts

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